Help! My dune trips are possibly coming to an end

RocketScientist · Post by **RocketScientist** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 8:54 pm

My ex-girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I don't spend enough time with her. She wants me to slow down and start a family. I would love to have a couple of mini MX'ers. I am torn between having her and kids vs off-roading and going to the dunes. We have been apart for a few months now, but I have an opportunity to quit the dunes/off-road and devote my time to her and having kids. I have until after Thanksgiving weekend to make a decision. I'm 36 years old, but I am in great shape, ride dirtbike, and snowboard. Is there something wrong with me that I want this possibly over a family? I have a garage full of sand toys, and they take a ton of repair. I find it difficult to keep up with all this and have ample time to spend with a girlfriend let alone a family. My friends take either side. some say that I devote too much time to off-road and the others say that I shouldn't let someone change me. I agree with both, but there just isn't enough time in my life to have both. My ex-girlfriend is intelligent, beautiful, and successful. She is everything a guy could want.

This is a major life-changing decision for me and I am not asking for advice. I just want to know if anyone else has been through this? What did you do? This Thanksgiving could very well be the last trip to the dunes this season, possibly forever....

CombsCustomCooling · Post by **CombsCustomCooling** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:01 pm

Some women can be described as "Dream Killers" Good luck with your decision.

ChuckZilla · Post by **ChuckZilla** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:28 pm

Remember, you can always "quit" the bikes and dunes, but you will never be able to "quit" YOUR KIDS. Do not have children unless------ you are absolutely obsessed with having them,-------------- you are the type of person that doesn't want time, as in most of YOUR time, to your self--------you don't mind devoting a large portion of your income to the family and not your self,(unless you're rich).

Mr Big Wrench · Post by **Mr Big Wrench** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 9:57 pm

Your "Sand Toys" wont get mad if you ride someone else's

Sandcock · Post by **Sandcock** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:09 pm

I say that you both should go to marriage counseling and go from there. Kids are a commitment for life and should be loved for life.

Sanman · Post by **Sanman** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:11 pm

So, you are telling me she whats you to give up outdoor sports? Then this tells me you love the outdoors and she loves the city. You need to think real hard are the two of you really the same? If she loved the outdoors as much as you there is no need to give up dune trips, her and the kids can go also. I have been married 22 years and me and my wife love the outdoors but, she can't ride the sand toys. Does this mean I have to give up dune trips "no" we just give a little when one or the other whats to do something.

Post by **Vincent J Brunasso** » Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:11 pm

If it is a conscious/deliberate/difficult decision for you to make, you already have your answer.

HashiMama177 · Post by **HashiMama177** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 2:16 am

When my husband and I got married, he was really into "mud boggin" and fixing up the truck (all the time). It became a problem for me, so I can understand where she's coming from, but I would never force him to give it up completely. Everyone has to have their own things. Fortunately, we found Glamis and riding quads. We have "new" bikes that never need fixing and we have something we can do together as well as do on our own. It's all about compromise. I think that if she's the woman for you and you're sure about that, then it should be an easy decision to make, however if she's asking you to give up on your hobbies completely, then you may eventually have feelings of resentment. All I can say is that it's all about COMPROMISE (on both sides). You should give a little and she should do the same.

Washroad · Post by **Washroad** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 7:23 am

I've been married twice and don't have children. I'm glad I don't and I know many people that don't have them. We're happy about it. Me, I knew I'd suck at being a parent and wouldn't wish me on any kid.

My first wife tried to "change" me. Lots of fembots try to do that....think you're gonna change for the better. It doesn't work...you are going to be basically you or you're going to try to be what she wants and make yourself miserable. Choose to be you.

OK, so the girlfriend is wonderful. So? Lots of wonderful women in the world, don't mean you need to settle down with any of them.

Keep doing what makes you happy because that is the only person in the whole freakin' world you are responsible for. It is not your job to make anyone else happy, that is their job. Do yours!

long time duner · Post by **long time duner** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 8:07 am

You say she is "everything a guy could want." Not if she wants you to give up activities you love. I've been married 36 years to a great gal who really doesn't enjoy dunin', but supports my and our son's involvement completely. I make about 12 dune trips a year, and she comes on two or three of them. The rest of the time she does something she wants.

Our son met his wife through our off road club, so they don't have an issue. They both love dunin'.

Like Kevin Harvick says in the commercial, maybe it's time for a new girlfriend.

Good Luck!

I just got to work and thought about my reply and need to add.
After we were married for about 7 years, we were doing Ok financially, had lots of toys, and the wife says it's time to start a family. Being the typical late 20's male, I was really scared. I'm a teacher and knew a kid would be a lifelong commitment, and a rather expensive one. We'd drop from two incomes to one, some toys would have to go, but the wife was right, it was time. I'll make it clear, if it had been up to me, we wouldn't have had a family.

Well, that would have been a mistake. Without a doubt, my son is the best thing that has ever happended in my life, yes, even better than marrying my loving wife. He has brought nothing but joy, is my best friend, and has only added to our lives.

Again, good luck!

Glamisbound · Post by **Glamisbound** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:41 am

long time duner wrote:You say she is "everything a guy could want." Not if she wants you to give up activities you love. I've been married 36 years to a great gal who really doesn't enjoy dunin', but supports my and our son's involvement completely. I make about 12 dune trips a year, and she comes on two or three of them. The rest of the time she does something she wants.

Our son met his wife through our off road club, so they don't have an issue. They both love dunin'.

Like Kevin Harvick says in the commercial, maybe it's time for a new girlfriend.

Good Luck!

I just got to work and thought about my reply and need to add.
After we were married for about 7 years, we were doing Ok financially, had lots of toys, and the wife says it't time to start a family. Being the typical late 20's male, I was really scared. I'm a teacher and knew a kid would be a lifelong commitment, and a rather expensive one. We'd drop from two incomes to one, some toys would have to go, but the wife was right, it was time. I'll make it clear, if it had been up to me, we wouldn't have had a family.

Well, that would have been a mistake. Without a doubt, my son is the best thing that has ever happended in my life, yes, even better than marrying my loving wife. He has brought nothing but joy, is my best friend, and has only added to our lives.

Again, good luck!

I couldn't have said it better.

My wife is into horses. I'm into horse power. We have three kids that enjoy both. We have found a way for all of us to enjoy the things in life that make us happy. I make 10-12 desert trips a year. Sometimes with everyone, including her. Sometimes just the guys. And sometimes just me and the kids.

My wife really doesn't like the desert. But she does go with us every few trips because she knows the me and the kids love it so much and she wants to be a part of those experiences. She would never ask me or the kids to give it up.

If your girl is asking you to give up something that you love, than you need to look for a new girl...someone that can make sacrafices, just as you should do for them on occassion, so that you get to do the things you love. And a really good girl will even pretend like she likes the desert just so you have even more fun.

Good luck

Rekd · Post by **Rekd** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:52 am

I've been to the dunes more since the kids were born 6 years ago. I was married for many years before we had them so we got to do lots of stuff together. It's different for everyone, but I can't (and don't want to) imagine life the way it was. Well, every once in a while I scream and go running naked through the streets, but I'm getting better.

Post by **Woodglue** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 4:20 pm

RocketScientist wrote:I am torn between having her and kids vs off-roading and going to the dunes.

As others have stated, having a wife and kids doesn't mean you can't also participate in off-roading.

To the contrary, my pregnant wife of 6 years along with me and my 5 y.o. old son partake of the dunes quite often. It helps that she likes the sport, in fact she got me involved in it [she snowboards too

].

This is the problem:

RocketScientist wrote:We have been apart for a few months now, but I have an opportunity to quit the dunes/off-road and devote my time to her and having kids.

Did she give you this ultimatum .... er uh, "opportunity"? [i,e, "Me or Off-Roading"]????
If so, I would bounce faster than a jack rabbit in heat! Reason: Who knows what other hobby's she'll take in the future. Super NOT COOL!

But...

If this "opportunity" is your perception of what she told you... maybe you want to clarify this with her.

The issue of time is something that can be worked out. My boy is out in the garage right along side me about 50% of the time that I'm out there. He rides his bike, plays with the neighbor kids, etc. Sometimes, he helps too. If I'm cleaning the quads, he want's to wash his. If I'm hammering on something, he wants’ to drive nails into a piece of wood with his hammer. I've I'm dropping the engine in my bike, he wants to get his wrenches and turn nuts on his bike. He's a boy, he loves being in the garage with me.

Also on the issue on Time, just marrying this girl will grant you more time. Sure at first, she wants’ to sit on the couch and stare at you while holding hands. But, after a few years, she'll be asking, "Don't you have something to do out in the garage?"

Have a happy thanksgiving Rocket!
Keep up posted on your thoughts and progress.
-Mike.

r erfert · Post by **r erfert** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 7:05 pm

SO Let me get this straight?
EX girlfriend of 2 years
Sorry
But
Time to move on?

MattV · Post by **MattV** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:44 pm

r erfert wrote:SO Let me get this straight?
EX girlfriend of 2 years
Sorry
But
Time to move on?

I think that he meant his now ex-girlfriend, whom he has been dating for 2 years. Either way... Why not bring her out with you?

RichB · Post by **RichB** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:48 pm

Dude, it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out what you need to do:

Any chicklet demanding a man give up what he loves to do is jacked up. Eject now or you will be miserable and/or broke later on.

Glamisbound · Post by **Glamisbound** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 8:47 am

RichB wrote:Dude, it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out what you need to do:

Any chicklet demanding a man give up what he loves to do is jacked up. Eject now or you will be miserable and/or broke later on.

crash · Post by **crash** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 3:31 pm

Agree. It's a power play if she ask you to choose between what you like to do and her. She's doing it for whatever selfish reason she has. I'd tell her that she isn't being reasonable and that SHE has a choice to make. Accept you the way you are and come to a compromise, or don't. My brothers wife gave him basically the type of ultimatum you describe. No one in the family has had any contact with him for over four years. She now owns him. Your choice, but I know what I would do.

To put it another way, it sounds like off-roading is a significant part of who you are. If she doesn't want to love you completely.......well, she's already made your choice for you. You might seriously give some thought as to whether you want a commitment like children with someone who doesn't love everything about you.

r erfert · Post by **r erfert** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 9:01 pm

I think there is an answer hiding in the question

I am torn between having her and kids vs off-roading and going to the dunes.

Astro · Post by **Astro** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 7:14 am

Rocket Scientist

I was 36 when we had our first child, but we had been married for 8 years already. If your ex-girlfriend is X because she wants you to stop your hobbies to get married & have kids now I would be very careful of building a Marriage & Family on that foundation. We don't ride as often as I like, but we do a lot of other things as well as duning & riding. I have an Intelligent, Beautiful, Sucessful Wife to share my life with as well as an 8 & 12 year old riding buddy to share the Dunes & the Desert with

.

If she's "THE ONE" you'll work it out, but ultimatums aren't a good foundation to build on. Do you want kids? Wife & Kids are more of a commitment than any of your hobbies or Girl Friends have ever been

You want these things to last

.

Sorry we don't get to the Dunes 12 times a year. It will probably be 4 this season, but 600 miles round trip, time off work & the price of fuel have a lot to do with that. Besides I have a ridng park 15 minutes from my house, & snowbowl an hour from my house

.

Seriously talk to her if you care about her, but don't force each other to be something you're not. Divorce court is full of those relationships & you won't be able to afford your toys after that bill. If she's Mrs. Right you'll work it out. Your life has to be both your lives & dreams not just her dream or your dream [-o< .

Astro

GlamisLovingFool · Post by **GlamisLovingFool** » Thu Nov 27, 2008 11:07 pm

One word comes to mind.......Curb.

The Oldtimer · Post by **The Oldtimer** » Fri Nov 28, 2008 11:38 am

I think it's way past time to start a 'HELP!!!" forum...

Why someone would post something as (you fill in whatever word you want, because I will say something rude) as this is beyond me... does the internet make people do this stuff???

A Troll come to mind...how many people will actually respond?

I don't count...!!!

Post by **Winston Cup** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 1:02 pm

" The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went
fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and smoked cigars and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END"

azkillian · Post by **azkillian** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 1:48 pm

I got married and had we have a son now, which is really cool. My dune trips are far and few between. I would recommend that you stay single and enjoy life as a free and single guy. Any woman that gives atlimatum's is not one I would wanna be with. Having a son is awsome dont get me wrong, but as I see the world on the decline unfortunately. I hope that I am wrong, I try to stay positive. I sometimes miss the days of sporadic trips, those will be gone for a longtime if you get married and kids. Good Luck on whatever you decide.......

GlamisLovingFool · Post by **GlamisLovingFool** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 3:36 pm

HashiMama177 wrote:When my husband and I got married, he was really into "mud boggin" and fixing up the truck (all the time). It became a problem for me, so I can understand where she's coming from, but I would never force him to give it up completely. Everyone has to have their own things. Fortunately, we found Glamis and riding quads. We have "new" bikes that never need fixing and we have something we can do together as well as do on our own. It's all about compromise. I think that if she's the woman for you and you're sure about that, then it should be an easy decision to make, however if she's asking you to give up on your hobbies completely, then you may eventually have feelings of resentment. All I can say is that it's all about COMPROMISE (on both sides). You should give a little and she should do the same.

Does anyone know who THIS is?

Hemet Duner · Post by **Hemet Duner** » Sun Nov 30, 2008 5:10 pm

I think it's time to move on. Find someone who loves what you love. They're out there. She is not the right one.

L&L Corvairs · Post by **L&L Corvairs** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:49 am

“….I gotta a brand new Girl Friend…
We went and jumped off the deep end…
She likes to ride, she likes to dune…
We gotta kid comin’ real soon….

There is nothing wrong with your hobbies. I’ve seen 2 week old babies in camp at Glamis. There are plenty of ladies out there who share your love for the sport and you can start a family with.

Successful relationships are based on friendship and SHARED activities. Seriously, if your best (male) bud wasn’t into the same stuff as you, he wouldn’t be your best bud. Same thing goes for your long term marriage.

She may be ‘everything’ a guy could want, but she isn’t everything that YOU want.

Post by **Woodglue** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 6:47 pm

Something's up here...
Rocket Scientist posted his story on 11/23/08.
In the meantime, there have been a total of 30 posts between two threads on the subject.
His last visit to the board was Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:04 pm.

Guess the last laugh is on us!

Post by **Woodglue** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 6:49 pm

GlamisLovingFool wrote:
HashiMama177 wrote:When my husband and I got married, he was really into "mud boggin" and fixing up the truck (all the time). It became a problem for me, so I can understand where she's coming from, but I would never force him to give it up completely. Everyone has to have their own things. Fortunately, we found Glamis and riding quads. We have "new" bikes that never need fixing and we have something we can do together as well as do on our own. It's all about compromise. I think that if she's the woman for you and you're sure about that, then it should be an easy decision to make, however if she's asking you to give up on your hobbies completely, then you may eventually have feelings of resentment. All I can say is that it's all about COMPROMISE (on both sides). You should give a little and she should do the same.
Does anyone know who THIS is?

It's Maria HashiMama

Welcome to the board Maria!

MattV · Post by **MattV** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:26 pm

You know, there's one person we haven't heard from. The guy who started this thread...

r erfert · Post by **r erfert** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 10:22 pm

You know, there's one person we haven't heard from. The guy who started this thread...

Maybe we got our answer then

May she is just testing the waters with the question?

L&L Corvairs · Post by **L&L Corvairs** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 12:05 pm

Woodglue wrote:Something's up here...
Rocket Scientist posted his story on 11/23/08.
In the meantime, there have been a total of 30 posts between two threads on the subject.
His last visit to the board was Sun Nov 23, 2008 10:04 pm.

Guess the last laugh is on us!

It's possible the Trolls win again. Though that was his last log in. He could have looked as a guest.

RocketScientist · Post by **RocketScientist** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 7:46 pm

Sorry everyone. I have an interesting update. I decided to put aside my hobby and put her on her pedestal. l gave her the attention and devotion that she always asked for and she dumped me. I guess life lessons come hard. I haven't gone back together with any ex-girlfriends since high school. Those teenage experiences with girlfriends have taught me that you can't reinvent a failing relationship, but this time my emotions got the better of me. I apologize for leaving you all hanging and for giving up my true love.....sand

Glamisbound · Post by **Glamisbound** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 9:43 pm

Looks like the next round of beers are on RocketScientist boys =D>

Post by **Vincent J Brunasso** » Tue Dec 09, 2008 11:02 pm

RocketScientist wrote:Sorry everyone. I have an interesting update. I decided to put aside my hobby and put her on her pedestal. l gave her the attention and devotion that she always asked for and she dumped me. I guess life lessons come hard. I haven't gone back together with any ex-girlfriends since high school. Those teenage experiences with girlfriends have taught me that you can't reinvent a failing relationship, but this time my emotions got the better of me. I apologize for leaving you all hanging and for giving up my true love.....sand

Better now than 5 years, 2 kids, and a mortgage from now.

gelwell · Post by **gelwell** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:19 pm

RocketScientist wrote: I apologize for leaving you all hanging and for giving up my true love.....sand

Dont ever give up on your true love. I am on my second marriage, I told wife #2 if the desert was going to be a problem for you then maybe we should not get married. She now goes with me and I bought her own quad. She hasn't become a authorized dune rider yet, but over time I think she will. The bottom line is let the whenches know up front for what they are in for including in the rack. No misconceptions shear reality. Make it an even playing field your needs are just as important as hers including the rack.

DuneRookie · Post by **DuneRookie** » Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:24 pm

gelwell wrote: The bottom line is let the whenches know up front for what they are in for including in the rack. No misconceptions shear reality. Make it an even playing field your needs are just as important as hers including the rack.

Post by **Winston Cup** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 12:17 am

RocketScientist wrote:Sorry everyone. I have an interesting update. I decided to put aside my hobby and put her on her pedestal. l gave her the attention and devotion that she always asked for and she dumped me. I guess life lessons come hard. I haven't gone back together with any ex-girlfriends since high school. Those teenage experiences with girlfriends have taught me that you can't reinvent a failing relationship, but this time my emotions got the better of me. I apologize for leaving you all hanging and for giving up my true love.....sand

Now can we have a pic?

Grumpy Wookiee · Post by **Grumpy Wookiee** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 11:19 am

Just to chime in late here, I have to agree with what Gelwell stated above. I am a recycled husband myself, and with my current wife, there was nothing that was not put on the table from the begining.

On our first date, I sat down, and the first thing out of my mouth was, "I dip, I cus, I drink, and I dune. If you dont like any of that, the door is right behind you." We have been together since, and I have never heard her ask for anything to change. Although I have been accused of being a redneck a few times.

You have to find a woman that loves you no matter what, a woman that does not ask you to change for her.

Thanksgiving, we took our (then) 10 week old daughter out, and had a blast. Dune riding is a family sport, depending on the group you camp with. With the right woman, fullfilling your passions will be her passion, and vice versa.